


Place to Belong

by MagpiePair



Category: ONEWE (Band)
Genre: Asexual Character, Coming Out, Crying, Dongmyeong POV, Gay Character, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Son Dongmyeong-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:06:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27665153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagpiePair/pseuds/MagpiePair
Summary: Dongmyeong has always known he is different.(a.k.a Dongmyeong coming out to his members)
Relationships: Jin Yonghoon & Son Dongmyeong, Ju Harin & Son Dongmyeong, Kang Hyungu | Kanghyun & Son Dongmyeong, Kim Geonhak | Leedo/Son Dongmyeong (mentioned), Lee Giwook | Cya & Son Dongmyeong, Son Dongju | Xion & Son Dongmyeong, Son Dongmyeong & Everyone
Comments: 8
Kudos: 53





	Place to Belong

**Author's Note:**

> Me? Projecting my own life experiences and emotions onto my biases? It's more likely than you think!

Dongmyeong has always known he is different.

From when he was just a kid in the locker rooms feeling acute embarrassment and averting his eyes, which drove him to dress in the stalls rather than in the changing rooms with the other boys.

From when his daydreams played out as holding hands with Inseok from the soccer team, fingers interlocked and arms swinging as they met eyes. 

Dongmyeong didn’t have a name for his emotions, or rather, he wasn’t brave enough to place a name to it, until his teenage years. But a part of him always knew. So even when his thoughts plague him occasionally, wondering if he’ll ever just become ‘normal,’ he can sense deep down that he never will. 

He is gay. And in a conservative society (one which does not look kindly on those who are /different/), he finds it best to keep this fact close to his vest. Even more so when he ends up in the public eye as a member of the band ONEWE. It’s not something anyone else needs to know.

\--

It’s not that /no one/ knows. Dongmyeong spent months agonizing over how not a soul could find out, but there is not much you can keep from a twin, let alone one as close to you as Dongju is to Dongmyeong. 

In their teen years, Dongju figures out that /something/ is the matter when Dongmyeong starts creating some distance between the two. As if afraid his face broadcasts his revelation, he ends up shying away from hanging out with the other. He initiates fewer conversations, leaves the room when it’s just the pair of them. 

Dongju doesn’t let this stand for long. He corners him in his bed one night. Dongmyeong’s plans for a restful night are ruined, and he can’t even reasonably come up with an excuse to get out of it. What is he supposed to say? ‘I know it’s 2 am, but I’m gonna go for a run’? 

“Spill it,” Dongju demands with a pout and all the intimidation factor of a small puppy. “Why have you been avoiding me?” Still, Dongmyeong cowers, hands fidgeting, nerves clear in the pinch of his brow. Upon seeing this, Dongju’s own expression softens. His tone is gentler as he continues, “Hey,” and Dongmyeong finally meets his eyes. The darkness cast over them in the bedroom makes the moment seem sort of unreal. “It’s just me.” Dongju’s familiar voice brings him back for the moment. And the what-ifs threaten to come crashing back around him, but Dongju’s gaze is steady, like a beacon for Dongmyeong to orient around. 

It comes pouring out of him then. “I’m gay,” he says, a quiet admission sitting between the two of them. It’s the first time he’s said the words out loud for any ears other than his own.

Dongju has the decency to look surprised, his shock maybe not at the confession itself but at the fact that Dongmyeong has said it. But after he collects himself in the heavy silence, he responds, “I love you. You know that, right?”

Dongmyeong can breathe again. “I know.”

\--

(Dongju later tells him, in the same whispered voice in their bedroom in the hushed chill of winter and undisturbed peace of dusk, that he thinks he might be asexual. Dongmyeong hugs him and hopes the touch provides the same sense of comfort and acceptance that Dongju’s words had done for him years before.)

\--

“Brothers?” Giwook’s forearm is out in a question.

Dongmyeong knocks his own forearm against it in a sort of cross, the natural answer. “Brothers,” he confirms.

Dongmyeong and Giwook have invoked their ‘brothers’ pact many times over their years of friendship and over a variety of mundane things. Agreeing to take the fall together when Harin discovers who messed with his jajangmyeon. Uniting as a team against Yonghoon during game night. 

At the moment, there is a rather more serious intent behind it, or at least that’s what Giwook would have him believe. To Giwook, the gesture’s purpose is Dongmyeong’s promise that he will talk him up in front of the new cute trainee the next building over. The girl is his age, with a smile that lights up the room and adorably rosy cheeks. Dongmyeong considers the whole crush to be a lighthearted affair, but if you ask Giwook, gaining the girl’s attention seems a matter of life and death. He throws his hands dramatically over his chest as they watch her pass from the window of the dorm. “I’ve never felt this way before!” he exclaims.

Dongmyeong can’t help but smile at his friend’s dramatics. And maybe that good mood is why he replies, “I have.”

Giwook’s eyes grow to the size of dinner plates. This is new territory for their friendship, a topic not often explored. Especially not from Dongmyeong, for whom it is like pulling teeth to have him admit to finding anyone attractive. “You have?”

Dongmyeong gulps. He has really never wanted to keep things from his best friend. And maybe it is the sentimentality of their earlier ‘brothers’ pact, but he finds himself not for the first time wanting to share. 

He is scared of rejection. But he is also scared of hiding, of never being himself around the people he loves. 

Giwook must see the uncertainty in his eyes, the unease clinging to his body. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just- um... The way you talk about her, it’s, it’s the same way I used to feelaboutJinhyeok.” The end of his sentence rushes out of him, almost too quick for his own ears to parse, but Giwook looks as though he understood him just fine.

“Jinhyeok? Our friend from school?”

Dongmyeong looks down. Nods. 

Giwook claps his hands together loudly. It startles Dongmyeong. “I had no idea, man! Is that why you were always ‘forgetting’ things from your locker- so you could walk back with him??”

At Dongmyeong’s continued silence, Giwook rubs a hand over his back. “Hey, were you scared to tell me? You didn’t have to be.”

Dongmyeong leans into the touch. “Yeah. Yeah, I- thank you.” He maybe gets a little emotional then, wiping away tears from his eyes. But a weight equivalent to years of silence lifts off his form. He looks into Giwook’s eyes like a new man.

But it’s still just them, which Giwook confirms when he smiles cheekily and extends his arm. “Brothers?”

Dongmyeong smiles and returns back, “Brothers.”

\-- 

“Yonghoon-hyung? Can I... talk to you?” 

Yonghoon turns to him on the sofa, his knees bumping against Dongmyeong’s. His tone is bright, his expression open. “Of course. What do you need?”

Dongmyeong slowly exhales. Why does Yonghoon have to be such a good friend? Why couldn’t he have said he was busy, to bother him later, or anything else that would put Dongmyeong off his mission? He stares at the popcorn bowl in front of Yonghoon instead, finding it easier to look at than Yonghoon’s inquisitive stare.

Okay. He can do this. He /wants/ to do this. He thinks he does, anyway. He’s spent enough time imagining it. Has gotten enough pep talks and words of encouragement and comfort from both Dongju and Giwook to last a lifetime. He knows- /knows/- Yonghoon won’t respond poorly.

Knowing and following through are different things, however. 

“I... just wanted to tell you something about me.” /Oh, nice going. Real smooth. Find any way to fill the space with words other than the ones you actually want to say./

Yonghoon doesn’t seem to begrudge him, waiting patiently and patting the space beside him on the couch instead. As though Dongmyeong weren’t already seated, pressed as close up against him as he can be. He scoots forward anyway until he can lean his head on Yonghoon’s shoulder and feel the older’s breath against his forehead. 

Yonghoon hums as a way to let him know he is listening. Seeming to sense that Dongmyeong needs to calm himself down first, he runs his fingers through the keyboardist’s hair. 

The atmosphere is so peaceful that Dongmyeong decides to just go for it. “I’m gay.” The words seem a little easier each time. Or at least Dongmyeong thinks so, but his body just has to go and betray him, because tears spring from his eyes. He hadn’t even fully cried when coming out to Dongju or Giwook, just teared up a little. Why is this time different? Is it because he looks up to Yonghoon so much and can’t bear the thought of pushing him away?

Yonghoon wipes away a tear with his thumb and plants his hands on Dongmyeong’s cheeks, forcing the other to look at him. “You’re okay. It’s okay. Thank you for telling me.” 

Dongmyeong hiccups. Just those few words have lightened his mood considerably. As if to further brighten the atmosphere, he asks with fake reproach, “Y-you’re not going to say, ‘I knew it!’ or something like that, are you?”

Yonghoon presses the smallest of kisses to Dongmyeong’s temple. The touch is so tender that Dongmyeong aches and feels warmth burst inside him all at once. “Do you want me to? I honestly can’t tell you what I thought. Contrary to my image as the group’s dad, I have a life outside of you all, you know? I think about other things!”

Dongmyeong giggles. “So you didn’t suspect? I haven’t been too- too obvious?” 

Yonghoon’s gaze turns more serious. “Hey, whether I noticed things or not... there’s no ‘too obvious,’ okay? You’re just being yourself. And whether you’re gay, or if it’s Hyungu, or any other one of us, it shouldn’t change anything. We all love you.”

“I love you, too, hyung.” Dongmyeong’s hand reaches out to grasp Yonghoon’s.

“I know you do,” Yonghoon says, even as he preens under the affection. 

“So we’re good?”

“I’m good if you are,” Yonghoon answers with a smile. And it really is as simple as all that. Yonghoon is happy if he is happy. Dongmyeong feels so lucky to be in such a fantastic group surrounded with so much genuine care. 

He shoots Yonghoon as grateful a look as he can muster. 

It doesn’t stop him from teasing Yonghoon later that night alongside their other groupmates about how he is such an old man. But if there’s a softer look in his eye when he presses against the other jokingly, no one needs to know about it. 

\--

“Guuuuys...” Dongmyeong whimpers pitifully, burying his face in his hands. His cheeks feel enflamed, so red that they could probably be seen from space.

“Are we flustering you? Are you frustrated? Why don’t you go ask Geonhak-hyung to kiss it better?” Giwook waggles his eyebrows. 

Dongmyeong throws a pillow at him.

“I do not have a crush on him!!” he denies, to absolutely no effect. Yonghoon stifles a chuckle from his other side, the laugh coming out as a mere puff, an exhalation Dongmyeong chooses to ignore so he doesn’t have to throw another pillow. 

“Our teasing comes from a good place,” Yonghoon adds. He throws his arms around Dongmyeong’s neck from behind so that Dongmyeong is sure Yonghoon can feel the heat emanating off his cheeks. 

“But you can’t act like you’re not so obvious.” At Giwook’s words, Dongmyeong huffs and shoves his shoulder. 

The trio have gotten much more casual about speaking on Dongmyeong’s sexuality. Despite his groupmates’ acceptance, Dongmyeong had been very touchy around the subject when their knowledge of it was still new. He tiptoed around it, as if afraid the other shoe would drop any minute. 

Now, he can tolerate their playfully pointing out his interest in another man, with it leading to no more hurt feelings than embarrassment.

However, the two are careful not to mention anything outside of the trio of them and Dongju. Dongmyeong appreciates more than he can say how willing they are to wait until he is ready on his own time, with his own terms, to tell Hyungu and Harin. They don’t pressure him but simply offer their support.

So he puts up with their teasing. He’s happy that they can speak about it now without him getting tense, without any awkward feeling. He only hopes to reach the same level of comfort with the rest of his group someday.

He places it out of his mind for now and refocuses his efforts on giving back to Yonghoon and Giwook as good as he gets. He begins tickling Giwook, only for Yonghoon to join in against the new target. 

He laughs, and it feels like home.

\--

“It’s unfair for him to look that dreamy- Of course I’d be into him!!” 

Oh. Oh shit. ABORT.

Dongmyeong stares at Harin and Hyungu with wide eyes, who stare right back at him. He gives a forced attempt at a laugh, a little too stilted, a little too late. /Just a joke/. He doesn’t think they buy it.

He curses internally. Did he really just out himself like that?? He shouldn’t have said anything. He shouldn't have even gotten out of bed this morning. He has gotten far too complacent, too comfortable talking about this with the others that it just slipped out now. Now he doesn't even have Yonghoon or Giwook here as his buffers as he is thrust into a conversation he is in no way prepared for.

“Into him- like, interested romantically? Physically?”

“Are you attracted to men, Dolmaengie?” 

The question seems innocent, but Dongmyeong cannot read into their expressions well enough to know for sure.

He is panicking. He knows enough to recognize that.

His eyes dart around to every corner of the room. His breaths get quicker, sharper. He is sure that he is close to hyperventilating,

Of all things, for it to come out by accident. He was going to tell them, he really was. He’s not about to lie now, either. He can’t. But the way they are looking at him- he can’t help it. He is just so /afraid/.

“Whoa, calm down-” Harin starts.

Moments later, Hyungu speaks over him, hissing out, “Yes, that’s exactly what you tell someone who is freaking out- ‘calm down-’”

Their argument continues, but Dongmyeong phases it out past the ringing in his ears. He manages to look at them for the first time since his loose tongue got him into this, and he notices they look just as scared as he does. Harin’s arm is outstretched halfway toward him, while Hyungu is looking extremely concerned.

Dongmyeong takes one breath, then another. “I’m fine. I’m okay.” He says this half to convince himself.

Hyungu still appears skeptical. “Are you sure? No offense, but you really don’t look it.”

Harin glares at the other, and Dongmyeong feels a rush of fondness at how clearly they are trying to handle him and this situation with care. “We’re so sorry if we made you uncomfortable.”

“It’s alright. I wanted to tell you soon, anyway. I mean, not like this, but... Yes, I am into guys. I’m gay.”

“Just guys? …Who else knows?” Hyungu asks. Clarifying questions. Dongmyeong hadn’t gotten many of those from the other people he’s told. He kind of appreciates it, like he’s just being asked about his classes at school or something else about himself.

“Just guys. My brother, Giwookie, and Yonghoon-hyung know.”

Harin speaks then. He looks almost menacing when he says, “And they were all cool about it, right?” At Dongmyeong’s nod, he softens up. “Hey. We love you, and this doesn’t change anything.” 

Dongmyeong is stupid grateful. He loves his life and the relationship he has with each of his bandmates. He couldn’t give any of it up for the world.

After a few seconds of silence, he shyly looks up. But his stammer is gone and his gaze and stance more confident. “Can I get a hug?”

“Of course.” Hyungu smiles first and pulls him in. Harin wraps his arms around both of them. Dongmyeong kind of wonders why he didn’t just do this earlier.

—

Of course, a few good experiences don’t erase years of doubt and internalization. But having his bandmates stand by him has given him courage. Dongmyeong considers telling the rest of ONEUS at some point, maybe even laughing about his old crush with Geonhak as something to look back at and joke about instead of a potential cause of pain, disgust, and rejection. He considers, some day far in the future, even telling his parents. Though this thought still sends a lump to his throat and makes his forehead clammy with sweat, the frankly terrifying prospect even causing him to clench his fists and press neat little rows of crescent moon-shaped nail marks into his palms. It may be a ways off, but he thinks he can do it. He knows he’ll always have Dongju and his members, at least.

“Dongmyeong, your turn to pick the movie~!” Giwook calls from the sofa. 

Yonghoon raises his blanket in invitation for Dongmyeong to sit by him, echoing the memory of that one day so clearly in Dongmyeong’s mind.

“How about the new Chris Evans flick?” Hyungu calls. Harin snorts beside him. They’re each well aware by now of his preference, his unhidden bias toward the American actor.

He joins them by the couch and grabs the remote, smiling.

He may be different from them in some ways, but there are just as many things they have in common. For now, he’ll sit back with them and just /be/.


End file.
